I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
