I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
