people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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