apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
