gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Everyone says I win the strip club
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
