2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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