so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
