Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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