I think im going to throw up on grandma
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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