It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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