someone get that fucking seahorse.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
