How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
