she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
