Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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