We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
is wine microwaveable?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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