We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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