You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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