apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
