We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize