Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
