i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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