Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
