p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
