so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
