When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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