im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
