Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
