Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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