Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
vagina is talking i cant
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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