i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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