Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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