i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
