I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
