I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
