You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
