got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
