i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
50% drunk capacity currently
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
