My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
