SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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