Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
