roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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