just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
