I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
