u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
