his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
