Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
