I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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