I think I am morally bankrupt
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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