I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You ruined the universe
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
