dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
