I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
