she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
