flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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