i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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