I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
