Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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