Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
