evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
