I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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