I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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