guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
