His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Come on in and take your pants off
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
