You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
