I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
